Damaged

I'm so damaged it's not funny anymore
Never has it really been funny
but I reached a new peak I just can't ignore

Laughter is the mask that hides my gloomy
cry-filled
happiness-killed
wallowed in self pity days, stormy
days
like....
today, yesterday and every other time
when I felt like …
breathing was almost a crime
feels like...
I just understood what I should have a longtime
that unlike...
everyone else in this world I don't need, want or deserve a lifetime

I can feel every drop of sanity escaping
this tormented and sickening
yet strangely genius mind

and all the thoughts that I could live without
come back crawling to make me want to put myself out ….
…. of my misery
this strange feeling of despair that torments every
single day of my purposeless
existence
and I feel so powerless
I need distance
from myself.... in time and space... right now and in the future
I need a miracle
so I can live outside myself,.... escape this torture
I release my vocal
plea …. Oh god please provide the suture

… to fix me unbroken

I need …. words never before spoken
actions never before done
maybe a prayer, a lucky charm, a token
anything to repair my life undone

I'm so deep into the permanent damage zone
All I wanna do is rewind
I can't be saved by anyone
Wish I could the clock, the choices and the thoughts …. unwind




                                                                                                          C.D.